DCC Programme for surplus discord in computing

Since dissociation and discord in the world of computing are at stake, we thrive to make things complicated. This Programme will show you opportunities and possibilities for more fun in the world of computing.

Users

• Use the most special kind of Machine you can get. C64 is nice, VC20 is even better. ZX Spectrum is a good choice. A VAX is definitly K-Rad. A weird Unix is also good. Old Irons are best.
• Use always the most special Operating System you can get. CP/M is always good. VMS or MVS is always worth a laugh.
• Design your own Desktop. Windows sucks at this, so use a system on which you can change as much as possible. Unix is good in that, and there even are 23 different unices out there.. or so. GEM is also a good choice.
• Choose your Applications carefully. An Application should have its very own file-format and it shouldn't be able to read anything but his own.
• Fileformats you could use are for instance .IMG for pictures.
• Machines with weird plugs and cables are a plus.
• On Floppys, you preferably use 5.25" or 8". They have the possibility of being folded to fit a 3.5" Floppy-Drive.
• Backup on Cassette-Tapes. Listen to them on your Walkman.
• Print preferably on 9-Needle Printers. Print pictures of Einstein on that and hang it up above your computer.
• Keyboards should have as much keys as possible, for instance a 'Super' and a 'Hyper' Key.
• Nobody but you should be able to use your computer. Rename all commands.
• Especially new external hardware is always good. Look for the things with the most buttons.

Programmers

• Write weird dialects. Considered especially useful are Intercal, Ghee-Whiz Basic and Lifp
• Write obfuscated. C is especially powerful in this. Also nice is Cobol, being the most stupid programming language ever been.
• No proper Languages like Smalltalk, Eiffel, Java, Fortran, Objective C or Ada. These leave just to little possibilities for making a mess.
• Don't comment code. Code is self-explanatory.
• No functional and no structured programming.
• Use GOTO and COME FROM (Intercal) statements extensively.
• Badly designed Object Oriented Languages are always a surplus, because it enables you to accidently create dozens of instances of an Object whitout even knowing. C++ is such a thing.
• Use compilers which do not do bounds-checking. Use for instance Turbo C instead of GNU C.
• Try dereferencing NULL-Pointers.
• If it bombs, try harder.
• When using scripting languages, always use as much variables as possible. The Same applies to Makefiles.

System Administrators

• Each Server has to be a different type of machine with at least a different operating System. For instance an AS/400, a HP-UX, a Sun, a VAX, a System 360, a Linux and a Netware.
• Use a different tape-format on every machine for backup
• Each User, or at least each part has to have a different machine and/or operating system.
• Never have two printers of the same type attached to the network.
• Use at least 5 different Transmission Protocols on your network. For instance TCP/IP, IPX, SMB, SNA and ATM.
• You can use different kinds of networks in one system. Try this: A Token-Ring, an Ethernet and an Apple-Talk net over the internal phone-cables.
• Never let all users in the system use the same applications.
• Underestimate the power-consumption and take care you don't use strong fuses. Or use too strong fuses.
• A phone answering machine for sysadmins is always nice.
• Take care of the problems of your users and write scripts to solve problems. Write lotsa scripts but no programs.
• Write Scripts in as much as possible different scripting languages. Perl, Shell, Batch, REXX and Netware-Scripts is a good choice.
• Reroute user-complaints to the user support of the company who made the programs. Except the ones you can solve with scripts.
• Use the strongest password security possible on each system. Let the User use different passwords for every system.
• Use cutting edge and impredictable technology like Active-X.
• New is good. Always use the newest and most unpredictable Software somewhere.
• Old is also good, if it uses some different standard.

Hardware People

• Use a soldering iron for everything. Don't use pre-manufactured cables, plugs and the like. Design them yourself.
• I'd like to see a plug with 23 pins.

Hackers

• Hackers know all this already.