by the Grand Clavister [at 4:41 am after four (4) Rolling Rocks and a successful preview improv show at the Kraine Theatre]
Good question. The first question that everyone, everywhere, who really wakes up and looks around at the environment should probably ask. Answers to follow... maybe.
Alt.slack is a newsgroup in which devotees (to ANY degree) and neofights alike are invited to post their thoughts, feelings, rants and ravings. It's fun, free, and only slightly fattening, if only metapsychically.
Friction causes heat, heat causes lava, lava cleans your hands, clean hands make Aunt Mabel pinch your cheeks, pinched cheeks cause gritted teeth, gritted teeth cause friction. It isn't nearly so simple as that, but try it easy for now. Many people have different opinions. Some of us can't, or refuse to, deal with the opinions of others in a "tolerant" fashion. Sometimes they're right. Other times... they get it right back in their mushes. And so on...
It's called "communication".
Well, okay. Some of it is "rants", which are mental explosions of righteous and not-so-righteous indignation with the fucked physical form of terra firma righta nowa. Some are cute observations, some are self-promotion, some defy explanation, and the rest you will understand after the operation...
He's J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, the Supersalesman and 50's dad-type who will fuck you up the ass and make you PAY for it, and LIKE it! Really! That's it! He's also, somehow, in charge of the Church of the SubGenius.
Fuck you.
If you'd met him, you'd know. Your fillings would all be solid platinum now, and your car would be a pile of potato skin-shavings. All sorts of causational hoopla runs rampant around this muterfuker. You may know him as "the guy from the old pipe ad".
Quotes. No quotes = someone else, like the evil scumBob from Canada.
As much as for Hercules, Noah, Paul Bunyan, and me.
The pipe is a signal device. The smile keeps it activated. Some people wonder why the Mona Lisa is smiling. I wonder why she's got no fucking eyebrows.
If you don't know by now, you never will.
Slack is what makes you happy, although "happy" is an insufficient word. As "Bob" said, when you were a kid, and were totally INTO making up whole worlds for your toys to play in, and your whole essence was involved in enjoying existence, that is a taste of what Slack can be. Problem is, we aren't normally allowed to have any of that shit once we're old enough to comprehend it. Phoo!
Don't be a wiseass.
You know those pathetic, incomplete descriptions about how "love" can't be explained, only experienced? Take them, multiply them, take out the NECESSITY (if not the preference) for company, and you have about 1/2 of 1 percent of Slack.
Keeps it from being confused with Jonas Salk, don't it?
See question 3.2 .
What is a "frebble"?
Ivan Stang, Sternodox, Philo, Sphinx, NENSLO... you can find them all here. Why? Cause alt.slack makes the New York Times look like the nutrition guide on a bag of Rice-Cakes. AssHOLES!!! (Not them. Them.)
Well, I'm the Grand Clavister, and these other fine people are hutballs who've chosen to waste their time by trading radical, readical and rudical concepts over the Internet, guaranteeing that their houses be bugged and that they lose any chance they might have had for a ride on the Space Shovel.
See question 3.2. Just kidding, actally, ICEKNIFE does a lot of reaction and not a lot of action. Some people don't like that. You decide. Me? I have over 300 keys. I don't need to respond. Sometimes I can't find the "Enter" key, and I CAN'T respond.
Some people DO visit other boards besides alt.slack.
What the fuck are you asking ME for? I say rant. Rants come easy to SubG's in my experience, and they come genuinely from the heart and ring true for most of us. If nothing else, they often generate email and a debate-thread. Neato!
You will be considered "pink" if your answers appear to be mindless, herd-animal "popular" garbage. As Pope Meyer said, "MOM!!! I'm out of toilet paper!!!"
Contribute. In every way possible. Give us your juices.
You can send it to: "Bob", P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214 or: O.L.I.N.Y.K., PO Box 2559, Grand Ctrl Stat, New York, NY 10163-2559 It's your choice.
You can stand on your head. You can stand on other peoples' head(s). You can stick a piece of bubble-gum up your ass and blow tiny bubbles out of your pores. You can pray to the lightbulb god that YOUR lightbulbs be those abberant ones that last 140 years. You can draw up a list of the bass player for every band ever. GO on...
Me, if you like. Email me. Send me a pic along with the keys.
Yes. I'm male, 6'4", 200 lbs, and I live like a typical bachelor SubGenius Clavister bass-playing improv maniac with delusions of graham cracker.
ApPENciX.
Thanks to "Bob", Connie, Duke the Dog and Rolling Rock.
InDEX:
Christ on a crutch, I'm tired. Remember:
Elie Freron: "French critic and journalist. Voltaire made him a
butt of his ridicule in several of his works."
BILLBLORGRAPGHY:
The Book of the SubGenius
Revelation X: The "Bob"Apocryphon
Some encyclopaiedoupa
Me
Nutrition Panel of Rice Cakes
Handbook for the Use of A pocket Blackjack game
Fred
Dead Guy In a Hole in My Basement
Any additions? Send them to: clavis@phantom.com
Also, send keys and $1 to: (the address is down there. Eat it. Raw raw raw.)
Now, let's sleep and pray...
the Grand Clavister (who enjoyed making people laugh, and hopes the groupies start coming around soon... ") <---Picasso smiley
FOR A DI-RECTORY OF DEVICES, PRODUCTS AND SERVICES, SEND $1 to O.L.I.N.Y.K., P.O. BOX 2559, GRAND CENTRAL STATION, NEW YORK NY 10163-2559. SENDING ONE OR MORE KEYS WILL MEAN MORE STUFF. A LARGE SASE WILL NET YOU SOME CRAP AS WELL. THE GRAND CLAVISTER OF NYC IS THE FIRST G.C. OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS.